Switchblade Posse...

Me and my crew (part of my crew, anyway...D and Maxine Dangerous) are headed out tonight to Talbott. I've got my digits crossed that April can make it, too.  Not sure what in the hell possessed me to wanna go out tonight.  I dislike bars, for the most part...but I woke up wanting to be stimulated.  (Minds outta the gutter, folks!)  Usually, stimulation like bars and concerts and the like throw me into a panic attack.  Large crowds pressing in on me...the excitement in the air...it takes it's toll on me.  I guess (to a degree) I am a bit of an emotional vampire.  I tend to absorb the energy of others or of a situation and take it on as my own.  It ends up overwhelming me and I have a panic attack.  Weird, I know.

Anyway, all vampirisim aside, I'm looking forward to this evening.  I feel safe with my crew...and I know they have my back and my best interests at heart.  They all know the signs of my panic attacks and how to deal with them.  My panic attacks manifest themselves as Oculogyric Crises.  Basically, the only way to describe it is like a seizure of my eyeballs.  They roll up into the back of my head and to the right.  It's nearly impossible to bring them back down and hurts like a mofo while it's going on.  After it's all over and I've calmed down, I'm exhausted...just like I'd had a seizure.  There is only 2 ways that I've found that work to get me calmed down...an extra nerve pill...and, well, another way.  (Don't ask...you don't wanna know.)  Takes about 30-45 mins for most of them and I have a couple a week.  Sucks, I know.

Hopefully we have a smashing time this evening.  I'm really excited about seeing Maxine.  It's been a minute since we've hung out.  And...I'm really excited about getting dressed up all spiffy-like.  I love dressing up to go out.  I've been thinking about my outfit all day.  I'm thinking that I'm wearing black, wide-leg pants and either a sleeveless black and white corset-looking top or a shimmery gold top with short sleeves.  D will get final say once I model them both for her. 

Now, it's time to go fiddle with the Wii, make some dinner, and get ready.  Hope you all have as good a time this evening as I'm planning to!

Sleep...

The dark curtain of night falls down over another day. Ending the play with a standing ovation in pinks across the horizon line. I glance to my left and smile at the Shamrock plant in the windowsill. The sun has gone to bed and so has the pretty little plant; its tender leaves and diminutive white flowers closing up and drooping their heads in slumber. Night has come and the softness of my bed beckons to me. I await the sleep to cover me with a drowsiness that will carry me through another night of lucid dreams. I wonder what tonight’s sleep will bring as I anticipate Mr. Sandman.

I mentally run through the day. Focusing on the parts that I want to relive and tossing away the unpleasant memories. Once I vow to forget, it’s relinquished from my psyche; a skill I have possessed since childhood. Most likely brought on by one of the more unpleasant experiences, my mind has the ability to become ‘selectively Swiss’. Objectionable memories fade out to form the holes in the cheese, whereas the agreeable ones stick around to grace my dreams-both day and night-with their presence.

My eyes flutter closed. I don’t fight the pull of the night as I slip away, easing into the blackness. The dreams wash over me like waves licking at my toes. Season after season, the night is a constant. Throughout the changes in my life, the evening invariably comes. With it brings the vividness of the hours of darkness. Colors light up the nighttime. I’m visited by ghosts from the past. Through sleep I am reunited with those I’ve lost, if only for a brief moment.

The spirits of my history comfort me throughout the dark of night. Easing the pain of loss by stopping by for a quick hello. I feel at peace while I softly snore and murmur hello’s to friends and family past. It cannot last, though. I know this and am okay with it. At least we have the night. At least we have this time of peace and respite to interact once again. For this, I am grateful. I do not take for granted my dreams.

Here Comes The Rain (du dn du du)...

i'm waiting on the rain. i can smell it coming. the clouds are fluffy but beginning to darken on the horizon. i can't wait. rain does something to my soul. just as it waters the flowers and grass, it replenishes me. summer storms popping up. booming thunder and sharp slices of lightening through the sky. coming and going just as quick as the seasons seem to change. new growth follows in it's wake. flowers (and weeds that masquerade as flowers) spring from the ground and say hello to the sun that follows the rain.

i hum an old Beatles tune...'little darling, the smiles returning to the faces, little darling, it seems like years since it's been here'.