Bittersweet Birthday...

my birthday has come and gone.  i'm officially in the 3rd decade of my life.  it feels funny to know i'm 30 because i feel so much younger.  i could pass for 25 (i think so, anyway) in the looks department.  i feel like i'm 20.  that probably has something to do with being in college, though.  anyway...so i thought perhaps my dear readers (all 3 of you!) would like to see photos of my birthday cake.  my sister baked me a giant cupcake and i ate it just like one would eat a giant cupcake...i bit right into it!  (as i'm sure any of you would!) 

i spent my birthday crying on and off.  i miss my grandma.  i miss my folks and sister.  i miss my grandpa.  my gramps called me, but he forgot how old i was...which brought tears.  neither him nor his wife knew i was turning 30 and they forgot to send my card until the day of.  (am i being a big baby...?)  i got to see my folks and sister just before christmas and saw my mom (just for a few minutes...she was busy at work) and picked up my gifts a couple days ago.  they spoiled me...as usual! 


i spent my actual birthday with denise and shaylin.  d took us out to on the border for lunch and then we went goodwill shopping together.  shay told the waiter it was my birthday and all the servers came over to sing and clap for me.  she got a kick out of it so i put up with it.  after we left for the evening, we headed home to get gussied up for dinner (i had a new outfit to wear, of course...lol).  d took me to amici's.  we'd never been before...it was really good!  i love italian food and this place tasted pretty authentic.  it was kinda tiny inside.  we sat at a table by the window.  i had a seafood penne in this pink sauce with capers in it.  there were shrimp and the biggest scallops in it that i've ever eaten!  it was very good.  it came with fresh bread and a salad (everytime i say that word i can hear spongebob pronouncing it as sal-add) with a balsamic vinaigrette dressing.  we shared some eggplant parmigiana as an appetizer and for dessert we shared a slice of almond torte and some gelato.  needless to say, we brought home big boxes of leftovers! all in all, it was a good birthday.

tonight is new year's eve.  i think d and i are going to spend it alone, on the couch.  we have to go to the store today to pick up some groceries for this weekend and i think i'll get some stuff to make a dinner of hors d'oeuvres for the 2 of us.  friday night serenity and leeann are coming over and we're all going to try to go to dave and buster's again.  last time we ended up hanging around the apartment, instead.  to prevent that from happening again, leeann and i decided that it was best to just meet them downstairs and get right into the car!  they are planning on spending the night with us and saturday morning i'm getting up and making us all biscuits and gravy, pancakes, and eggs.  (all by request...b's and g's for leeann, eggs for serenity, and pancakes for d)  saturday evening, d and i have dinner plans with jaimie (d's best friend from high school) and sunday i'm meeting april for a late lunch.  needless to say...my dance card is full this weekend.

Barbie The Cracked-Out Drag Queen...

it's drag queen barbie!  she comes complete with velvet catsuit a la asia la bouche!

And The Survey Says...

yesterday was my job orientation/interview for the survey research center on campus...and i nailed it. my new boss, stephanie, offered me the position and i gladly accepted. at least 10hrs a week at $9/hr will be a nice little piece of pocket change! i'm anticipating about $250/month after taxes come out. not bad for an on campus position.

i have received my grades for a couple of classes. i got an A in my writing class. he really enjoyed my final project, according to the email he sent me. i also received an A in my mythology class. these were, by far, my 2 most enjoyable classes and i think my grades reflect that. the jury is still out on my logic and history grades. probably Bish in history...and not a clue how i did in logic. i was sitting at a B but i do not feel good about that final i took. i guess i'll find out soon enough...

Some Are Melodies, Some Are The Beat...

youth group -- forever young

Let's dance in style let's dance for a while,
Heaven can wait we're only watching the skies,
Hoping for the best but expecting the worst,
Are you gonna drop the bomb or not?

Let us die on let us live forever,
Don't have the power but we never say never,
Sitting in the sandpit life is a short trip,
Music's for the sad man

Can you imagine when this race is run,
Turning up our faces into the sun,
Praising our leaders getting in tune,
Music's played by the mad man

Forever young, I want to be forever young,
Do you really want to live forever?
Forever forever,
Forever young, I want to be forever young,
Do you really want to live forever?
Forever, forever

Some are like water Some are like the heat,
Some are melodies Some are the beat,
Sooner or later they'll all be gone,
Why don't they stay on?
It's hard to get without a cause,
I don't want to perish like a fading voice,
Youth is like diamonds in the sun,
And diamonds are forever,
So many adventures couldn't happened today,
So many songs that we forgot to play,
So many dreams swimming out in the blue,
Let them come true
Forever young I want to be forever young,
Do you really want to live forever?
Forever, forever
Forever young, I want to be forever young,
Do you really want to live forever?
Forever, forever
Forever young, I want to be forever young,
Do you really want to live forever?
Forever, forever
Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever?
Forever, forever...

Did You Miss Me...? Huh? Huh? Didja?

it's been ages since i last wrote anything...hopefully someone noticed.  i hate to think that my absence has gone unheeded.  that thought just makes me sad.  and, when i get sad i cry.  and, when i cry it makes those around me sad...so, even if you didn't miss me...lie.

anyway...so here's the skinny on what's been going on with me as of late.  school is going really well.  i have 1 last final to take on friday and then i'm officially done...d-u-n...done.  classes don't start up again until the 9th, but i don't have any until the 11th.  i switched up my schedule a bit.  dropped 'intro to folklore' and picked up 'the writer's notebook'.  i met the professor for 'the writer's notebook' today and he seemed like a good guy.  really looking forward to that class.  my adviser, scott, seems to think i'll excel in that class and i'm hoping to prove him correct!

i also have applied for an on-campus job in the survey center.  (basically, i'll be sitting at a computer calling people and asking them to take surveys)  my friend, marita, works there and she talked to her boss, stephanie.  stephanie basically told marita that i had the job.  i have a phone interview tomorrow at 11a.  i'll keep you posted, dear readers. 

in other news...someone has a birthday coming up.  my 'golden birthday' is dec 30th.  that's right...i'll be joining the dirty XXX club (as april puts it!)  i'm the last one of my friends to turn the big 3-0.  no...strike that...audrey is only 26 (or 27...something like that).  anywho...so d threw me a party on the 12th.  we all (me, d, joe, trish, shay, jaimie, liam, jessica, evan, april, amanda (new friend possibilities...!), and ashley) went to siam square for dindin (my first time trying thai food!) and then we went duck pin bowling (first time doing that, too).  as part of my b'day gift, d paid for everyone's shoes and bowling fees.  she rented out 2 lanes for 1.5 hrs.  we had a BLAST!  it was so incredibly fun.  everyone loved it.  i had the grooviest birthday party EVER. best part is...it's not over!  today is only the 15th...we still have another 15 days before the official 'day of birthing'.  wonder what's to come in the next couple of weeks...?!

to keep along the theme of celebrating my birth...maxine dangerous and i had a birthday luncheon at a local chinese joint near the school this afternoon.  we dined on the usual chinese fare...and she presented me with the cutest card...as well as a gift card (!) to target (!!) and some hello kitty stickers.  awesome gift.  awesome chick.

speaking of awesome gifts...i got some pretty awesome gifts for my b'day, as well.  ash gave me a starbucks gift card (yay for chai tea lattes!), jessica and evan gave me a hello kitty charm and a flipflop charm that has my birthstone on it, joe, trish, and shay got me a sweater (that, sadly, does not fit...and it's too bad because it's really cute) and some ferrero rocher candies, and april got me a whole stocking full of stuff...2 scarves, a whole set of pina colada scented bathy-pampery type things, a foot scrubber, and the book train wreck.  (it's anna nicole smith's story as told by her sister).  i'm looking forward to reading it over break.

welp...i should wrap this up.  d will be home soon and my phone has been going off non-stop.  i need to attend to these text messages and decide what i'm making for my poor, sick honey for dinner.  (d's had a cold since friday...poor thing)

...And For My Next Trick

I peeled an orange in only one strip!

Pimped Out Party...

shay's b'day party...everyone was there, even cinderella. where were you?!

Opening gifts

Cinderella

Cinderella entertaining shay's bday party

Decorations for shay's 3rd birthday party

Decorations for shay's 3rd birthday party

Turkeys Need Love, Too...

it's thanksgiving morning and i'm ready...d just stepped into the shower.  we are heading to her brother's for thanksgiving again this year.  april's spending the day with us...so is joe's friend, chris, and d and joe's dad.  i miss my family...but these folks are my family now, too.  my mom misses me something fierce and i feel the same.  but, with all the homework to be done and everything going on...i just can't make it home this weekend.

on a lighter note (because i was getting teary-eyed thinking/writing about my family) d, trish, and i are all going shopping tomorrow for black friday.  d wants a wii for christmas so i'm going to see if i can't find one...usually on black friday they have special deals where you get something free if you buy a big gift like a gaming system.  we'll see what i can find.

well, d is outta the shower and it's time to pack up and head for joe and trish's.  happy thanksgiving, dear readers. 

Me and april on thanksgiving

Me and d on thanksgiving <3

Break Me Off A Piece Of That KitKat Bar...

ugh.  i've spent the bulk of the day's sunshine hours hunched over my computer and i need a break!  the day hasn't been bad...just stressful and tiring (to say the very least).  i spent my morning researching the (il)literacy of immigrants for a paper i'm writing for my literacy in public life course.  then, d, shay and i lunched on indian cuisine with maxine dangerous and her folks to celebrate her 36yrs on this planet.  we got her a lil 3-legged terracotta pig from global gifts on mass ave.  it's from peru (i think?) and it symbolizes love and friendship.  she really dug it...and that made me happy to make her happy.  after hugs, i headed home to continue my quest for information. 

this time, i switched gears and began working on eking out every drop of info i can find on a piece of art for a paper that i'm turning in for both my mythology class and my history class.  (almost had an aneurysm when i figured out a way to write one paper for both classes because i was so happy!)  originally, i was going to write a paper on claude vignon's narcissus but i can't find anything on it...so...i'm switching gears.  i've decided to write on michelangelo caravaggio's sleeping cupid instead.  i found much more information about it and there seems to be even a hint of scandal surrounding caravaggio.  everyone loves a good scandal.

 thankfully, the time for research is drawing to a close for the day.  d should be home soon.  we're going to dave & buster's for a late dinner with serenity and leeann.  they are coming down from frankfort for the night to play with us!  i really miss them.  i've known them both for about 16 years.  they are pretty keen chicks.  we're going to eat dinner and play games.  none of us have ever visited this fine establishment...but the commercials make it look entertaining!  it's fairly new to indy...i think it opened in june or july...but they have them all over the country.  apparently it's like a bar/restaurant with toys and games for adults.  you win tickets and then turn them in for prizes.  i like prizes.

the sun has set and it's brought me one day closer to finals week.  i'm ready to pound the rest of this semester out so i can get started on next semester!  as of the spring 2010 term, i'm a junior.  that leaves me just 2 more years...unless i decide to go for my master's.  (which is a definite possibility)  but, we'll save that for another day. 

Table For Two...

D made us a fancy looking appetizer platter for dinner :) she is so good to me...i'm a lucky, lucky grrl!

In Between Dreams…

i used to believe that life was just what happened in the interim between dreams.  i lived for sleep.  i didn't want to be real, i didn't want to be.  the longer i could sleep, the less i'd have to exist.  every once in a while, i still feel that need for lack of existence. 

i slept my evening away last night and this morning i fought the alarm.  i wanted to stay plunged in that dreamy state where i could just float.  i pushed it 10 extra minutes before i knew i had to give up that happiness and freedom found only in a our respite. 

the day brought the usual suspects.  classes, homework, loneliness.  the occasional feeling of worthlessness peppered with short bursts of giddiness and a rapid heartbeat.  the pills 3 times a day.  the constant, nagging, worrying feeling that just i just can't shake.

i’m tired of it.  i’m sick of being such a ‘worrywart’ (as my grandmother would have put it).  do i blame the drugs?  do i blame the therapy?  no, it’s just me and you’d think after nearly *ahem*30*ahem* years that i would just be used to it.  not so much. 

ok…take right now for example.  i’ve got dozens of things to worry about and they just rotate through like a pinwheel.  my worries blow through the breeze until the pinwheel stops and i fret and fuss over something for a bit.  then, the breeze blows and it twirls.  it’s another worry’s turn to torment me. 

shortly thereafter, i’ll receive a burst of energy.  like an adrenaline rush, it courses through my neurons and electrons…lighting me up.  my heart beats a lil faster, i smile a lil easier  , and laughter is never short of demand.  i ride the wave and enjoy the high while it stays. 

but, it never stays.  just as quick as it came on, it’s gone and i’m back to wishing for sleep.

Everybody's Doing It...

it's 4:38a.  i can hear d softly snoring in the boudoir and i'd give anything to be softly snoring right along with her.  unfortunately, i'm awake.  and, as a double unfortunate, farmville won't load properly.  so, i am doing what any person would be doing at this hour...facebook stalking.  don't act so stunned and don't act like you don't do it, too.  we all know what facebook is about...it's about checking up on people you barely know and gaining insight into their world.  it's a petri dish.  we can play 6 degrees of separation with the friends of friends of friends.  i'm relatively new to the stalking.  d's a pro, though.  she can find just about anyone and all sorts of juicy info on said person.  she's amazing. 

alright...time to stop stalking and go get some sleep.  fingers corssed, it comes on swift!

Block Breaker...

it's been a few days since i've posted anything.  i've been in a bit of a writing rut.  school absorbs so much of my time that i haven't any left for creativity.  i feel rather drained.  although i love school, it still takes a lot out of me.  i just spent the better part of my morning poring over a paper that i had to read and answer questions on.  by the end, i was skimming the paper for the answers because it was so dry and confusing.  oh well, i get the gist of it.

on a happier note, i'm getting the hang of this driving in the city thing.  i used to get lost and panic, now i kinda get where i am going...although it's always the long way around.  basically, no matter where i'm going, i have to start from the apartment.  for example, last night i met april for dinner...i was coming from the school, so i had to drive back to the apartment and then drive to the restaurant.  basically, it took me probably twice as long as it should have.  but...i got there!  that's all that matters, right?

are you bored yet?  do you see what i mean?  virtually no creativity!  just the facts, ma'am.  i've bored myself.  i think that is a sign it's time to wrap up this post.

It's Fashion, Dahlink...

Mom's dog having a winter fashion show.

Mom's dog in a snuggie!

We Won't Take No For An Answer...

i'm addicted to facebook. more importantly, though, i'm addicted to a facebook application called Mafia Wars. i've tried to deny it. even verbally saying 'i'm not an addict...i just check it a few times a day'. yeah. *ahematleasttentimesadayahem* i think i have a problem.

in the beginning, it was nothing. i'd check it every couple of days. the jobs were kinda lame and the Godfather only gave me 10 pts (which i promptly used on something i didn't need to use them on). after a few weeks of getting higher and higher levels, the jobs got a lil better. it became easier and faster to level up and make money.

then...the zynga gods released Cuba. i became obsessed with getting to a high enough level to go see what Cuba was about. finally...after 2 weeks of working on it at least once a day, i got to fly to Cuba. the jobs netted you more level points and they seemed cooler (take out the local police chief vs the lame corner store hold-up). pretty soon i started leveling up every other day. then, they announced Russia! by the time Russia was open, i had hit the level needed to fly there. i started racking up the rubles in no time.

now, i check my facebook page to play Mafia Wars multiple times a day. i've been drawn into it! i even check it from school sometimes! this begs the question: is this a bad thing? it's not like i'm icing real mobsters...it's not like i'm pulling real heists. that's cool, right? right?!

*side note*
during the writing of this blog...i've check the game twice. am i sick? or just having fun...a lot? besides, i can't leave the family...there would be 'consequences'.

Montage Of My Life...

I'm Not Addicted, I Just Like The High...

today was my medicine evaluation. i get there and she's running 30mins behind. great. i'm stuck in a waiting room with some crazy looking 15yr old kid who's beady eyes were set too close together and she kept eating something out of her purse and crunching it with her mouth open. i was on edge already because i had to wait...i *almost* snapped. i wanted to say something to her so badly. she looked like one of those lil snot-nosed punk kids. she was wearing 2 watches on her arm and a halloween t-shirt. halloween may be the day the freak show comes out...but it's over. like...a week over. anyway, before we go any further...i dislike most kids. i especially dislike teenagers. i have a theory that children are sticky until they turn 13 and then they become know-it-all brats until 25.

ok...so finally the dr comes to get me. but let me clarify...she's no DOCTOR...she's a NURSE PRACTITIONER...that said, she grills me over my myriad of meds. do i think this one is working vs this other one. honestly...i've been on most of them for 3yrs and couldn't tell you if one certain med is working better than another. i take them all together. i always get frustrated by her. she panders to me and tries to be sugary sweet...but i know she thinks i'm an idiot. she keeps telling me that one of my drugs is addictive and eventually she'll take it away. she'll have to pry it from my cold, dead hand...it's the only drug that i know works because i can feel the relief once i take it. so finally, the appointment is over and i am cleared for another 2 months. whee!

medication time. ahh...sweet relief.

Artificial Flavoring...

i get to schedule my classes tomorrow. i'm psyched. school is my gig and i'm really looking forward to the classes i'm taking. biology of women, intro to women's studies, intro to folklore, and professional writing skills...should be a fun semester :D

*flash forward a couple hours*

during my trip to the grocery for milk, bread, and cottage cheese...i discovered that i'm a food weirdo. i bought sushi (eel rolls) and shrimp flavored chips. the sushi was divine...and the shrimp chips aren't bad. they are growing on me. i've seen them a dozen times plus one and always wanted to give them a shot. so...here they are, sitting beside my computer. *bites into one for emphasis* crunchy...and slightly shrimp-like!! D will be so disgusted.

while i'm on the subject of food...tonight's menu consists of broiled steaks, baked sweet potato fries, and frozen veggies. i know, i know...should be doing something fresh for the veg...but honestly, i don't feel like it. so there. :P

these shrimp chips are tasty lil bastards...damn.

Git Along Li'l Doggies...

it's the end of rocktober. halloween night. the night for ghosts and goblins to come out and haunt the neighborhood for candy. usually, i spend the night on my aunt and uncle's porch in my hometown, passing out candy to all the greedy lil bastards cute lil kids. instead, this year, i'm going trick-or-treating for the first time in probably 15-16 yrs. joe, trish, d, and i are all going with shay. we're the scooby doo gang. joe is shaggy, trish is daphne, d is fred, i'm velma, and shay is scooby doo. we're going to be so cute! i think d's dad is going, too...he makes me nervous. not sure i'm comfy with him going...but he *is* shay's pop-pop and it's not about me!

d is currently out and about, scrounging for a wig and a blue scarf for her costume. i'm velma'd up and awaiting fred's arrival. we're supposed to meet shaggy, daphne, and scooby doo in about an hour.

*update* d just texted me and is on her way home with wig in hand!

by the way...the time changes tonight. we get two chances at 1am. if you screw up the first one, there is always a second chance. it's like that movie, groundhog day.

Let's Pick Another Subject...

so, D and i are meeting Elaine at Zest! tonight for dinner. i'm smokin' hot...h-o-t, hot and awaiting d's arrival so we can get moving. i've got on this new corset-type tank and a lil black jacket. i must say, i'm looking cute.

*flash forward a few hours*

just got home from Zest!...still looking cute, mind you. dinner was fabulous. pumpkin ale...date rumaki...polenta cheese pie...and creme brulee french toast for dessert. fabulous.

had a rough time time following the conversation betwixt D and Elaine...they worked together for years and have much to catch up on every time we get together. the conversation is always interesting...but i have no idea who these people are that we are discussing. that makes it a lil hard to follow...but i am getting the hang of it (after a year of knowing Elaine and being party to their convos).

alright...bed time. trying to tempt D into coming to bed with me...i want some snuggle-time.

Wannabe Fashionista...

shopping. clothes therapy. D's still in bed and i'm fantasizing already about going to lane bryant today. i have a $15 gift cheque and i'm excited to go use it. not sure what i want...i'd love one of those short sleeved sweaters that are really long. that might be a lil too costly, though. i'd settle for a long-sleeved, plain colored shirt that i can wear my new scarves with, honestly. i love fall and winter clothes! i'm looking forward to it getting cooler so i can break out my winter coat. all this clothing talk has me ready to go wake D so we can get going! although, i sincerely doubt she'd like that. maybe i can get her to go to trader joe's today, too. hmm...

Hard At Work...

This is my office nook. I'm so proud of it :)

Bad Dreams...

i had to fight to wake up this morning. i felt groggy. pulled under by the lucid dreams i had all night long, i woke up checking my skin for the cuts and tattoos that i had in my dream. i had carved something into my chest and tattooed my shoulder. all i remember are the words "in" and "sky" carved on my chest. the tattoos were large red flowers with green, thorny vines winding around my shoulder and creeping towards my chest. silly as it sounds, i was concerned someone would see because i tend to wear low-cut tops. i seemed to be especially anxious about my mother seeing the cuts. (she already knew about the tattoos, i assume?) i knew it would upset her, considering my past issues. what a way to begin your day.

Carny Stock...

my grandfather was a carny. during the summer months, he'd travel around with the local fairs and eventually he traveled all over the midwest with carnivals and fairs. he worked the food booths, calling out his rhymes to all the passers-by. he sold sweet corn, elephant ears, funnel cakes, corn dogs... he still knows the calls. if i ask him sweetly, he'll do his calls for me sometimes. my favorite is the racy "girlie show" call.

come on down to the girlie show.
watch 'em wiggle,
watch 'em giggle.
if you are under 18,
you wouldn't understand it;
if you're over 80,
your heart can't stand it.

(is it any wonder a budding lesbian would love this one the best?! i remember picturing the wriggling, giggling girls and wishing i could be there...wriggling and giggling right along with them!)

a few years ago, my grandfather and his wife went back onto the carny circuit. carolyn, his wife, hated every moment of it. the heat of the tiny food stand was overwhelming because of the fry vats and the lack of ventilation. my grandpa lit up, though. he was back in his element. the man is a born salesman...starting with working the carny stands, then selling shoes and suits, and eventually becoming the manager of an insurance sales branch. after a couple of months of carny work, carolyn had enough and made him head back home. i think he got it out of his system. he hasn't talked about going back to work for the fairs lately...but he still does the calls for me sometimes, when i ask sweetly.