Forgive Me Father For I Have Sinned...

...It has been a month since my last blog.

So much has gone on in the past month.  To pick up where I left off with my last blog, I finished the seizure study and got the results back.  I do not have epilepsy.  This is both a good thing, and a bad thing.  If it were epilepsy, I would have a solid answer and could just be given some medication to prevent my 'spells'.  However, since it's not; I am continuing to dig and find out what it could be.  It's now in the hands of my mental health providers.  She has upped my nerve medication, along with another drug, and is hoping for results.  So far, I've seen no change. 

D and I have been doing some research based off of what my mental health providers' early conclusion is: Pseudoseizures...aka PNES.  Basically, when I am overwhelmed with emotion or stress or any other of the triggers I have, I will have a pseudoseizure.  It presents just like a real seizure except the brain activity doesn't coincide with what an epileptic seizure would show.  I have begun keeping track of everything in a daily journal.  (Actually, I have 2 daily journals going...I'll talk about the other one in a moment.)  I am hoping that the daily journaling will help with letting go of some of the stress.

The other journal I have been keeping is my journey to Zen.  I have decided to begin following the path of Buddhism.  I have always thought that the Buddhist beliefs coincided with my personal set of beliefs and values...but I never considered myself to be one.  D and I did some talking and we agreed that this is where I need to be at this point in my life.  I have a constant craving for something bigger than myself to believe in.  Some sort of organized path that I can follow.  Fellowship with others who have similar beliefs as mine.  I am finding that in the research I have done about Buddhism.  Next weekend, D and I are going to (hopefully) attend a seminar about the Foundations of Zen.  We both feel like this is a good starting point.

Even the research we have done on PNES recommends turning toward Eastern methods.  Accupuncture, meditation...  These are supposed to help relieve some of the stress and therefore reduce the frequency and intensity of the spells.  I'm not putting all my eggs in the Zen Garden, though.  If these methods don't reduce the spells, I still plan on continuing with learning the path of Buddhism.  My soul needs it.



The other big news is that classes have started up again.  I have a really heavy schedule with loads of reading...but I'm happy with it.  I have been trying to keep ahead of schedule with my reading and writing and research.  This semester will finish up my minor in Women's Studies and also my requirements for language.  Next semester I'll move on to finishing up some of the 'oddball' requirements such as my Science and the coordinating Lab and my Jr/Sr Integrator.  I should be able to graduate in December of 2012.  After that, I'll be diving right into getting my Master's.  (Or, possibly going straight for my PhD...I'm not certain yet.)  There is a Grad School Expo on 9/21 that I'll be attending.  I'm hoping to get some great info there and maybe even find someone to speak with about my next move.  I do know for certain that I'll be continuing on at IUPUI and will be getting my next degree in Philanthropy.  I feel like that is really going to make me marketable with the Non-Profits and give me a greater selection so that I may choose who I want to work with. 

Thank you for hearing my confessions.  Amen.